Performing "Internal Rhyme" at The Black Rep Theater (autobio)



Posted: Wednesday, January 16, 2008

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I would like to share a journey of how a particular piece of my internal rhyming poetry came about. It was one of my most tender of moments and I didn't even know why until it was all said and done. Since I am a performing Spoken Word performance artist who has performed around the San Francisco bay area, I was searching for a new venue to perform besides coffee shops and bars. I had answered a special and interesting request for a spoken word performer from an ad on the Craigslist. I submitted a couple of my performance pieces I had close on hand and soon received a response from a theater group that went by the name, "The Black Rep Theater" which was located across the bay in Berkeley. The director of the theater had e-mailed me and asked if I would be interested in performing some of my work during the twelve minute intermission of a one woman play concerning child abuse which was to take place on that up coming Friday night. Before I e-mailed my response, I went on line to get a little geographical information about The Black Rep Theater over in Berkeley since my wife and I lived across the bay in San Francisco. I checked out the theater's location to see if we would be able to take public transporation to the event since we didn't have a car. I thankfully gave up owning a car years before while residing in France.

When I first moved to Paris from L.A., I had the most difficult time adapting without personal transportation. I ended up buying a car for that first year until I realized that owning a car in Paris, France was like bringing sand to the beach! The public transportation system in France was unlike anything I had ever witnessed before in the states including New York City! I sold my car in France after that first year and decided to go without a vehicle when I returned to the states twelve years later to San Francisco. Public transportation in San Francisco is a far cry from the public transportation system in Paris, France but I had been without a car for so many years that I decided to stick with public transportation here in San Francisco which is said to be quite efficient overall for a city in the states and I must add... I was not financially well off, too. My lack of funds basically allowed me to do without a car.

I soon learned that this Berkeley theater was very near a linking metro station and so I e-mailed the director and told him I would be delighted to perform at The Black Rep Theater. He quickly e-mailed me back and asked if I would perform something that had to do with "child abuse" since that was to be the night's theme. I responded and said that I could write something especially for that night but I would have to read it from a piece of paper since I wouldn't have time to memorize it. I wrote and informed him that most of my performances were pieces that I had memorized which allowed me to get more involved with the subject matter of the pieces. His e-mail came back and he seemed excited that I had agreed since showtime was but two days away. He sent me the time to show up and I responded back to confirm.

That Friday early evening, my wife and I boarded the BART metro and made our way over to Berkeley to The Black Rep Theater with my written text to be performed in hand. Sean, the theater director had informed us that the theater was just right down the street from the metro station. When we arrived at the theater, my wife and I entered through the front door and stood momentarily in the lobby. We noticed a few theater people running around trying to get last minute details arranged before they opened the doors to the public. The wife and I were standing quietly trying to figure out what we should do when a female staff member stopped and asked, "Can I help you with something?"

I responded with, "Yes ma'am, thank-you, my name is Robin Brown and I'm here to perform tonight at the intermission of the show?"

The young lady asked, "You're Robin?"

I answered, "Yes, I am. Is Sean available? He told me to ask for him when I arrived."

The lady told me, "Wait right here and I'll go find him."

Sean, the director came out of an office door smiling. We shook hands and he introduced himself to me and my wife. Sean was a big man and about the sweetest individual you would ever want to meet and he made us feel right at home. He explained how the show was set up for the evening and walked us back stage to show me my mark before going on stage. Once we were comfortable, Sean informed me that if I needed anything to please ask one of the stage hands for assistance. He then left the back stage area to prepare for the opening of the theater. My wife also left saying she wanted to get a refreshment and would be right back. When she returned she was laughing outloud and I asked her what was so funny. She told me that when she went to the refreshment stand, everyone was talking about, "The white guy is going to perform, the white guy is going to perform!" My wife, who has a northern African background found it quite amusing and I chuckled to myself now understanding why the theater assistant and the director, Sean were smiling so beautifully with a slight unbelievable energy about them. It then hit me that they probably thought I was going to be a woman or a black man due to the fact that my name was Robin Brown and Sean and I had only communicated through e-mails. It was a cute moment in my head. I'm sure everyone got a good laugh out of it. Everyone who worked at the theater were so sweet and considerate with me and my wife and I was just personally elated and overwhelmed to be performing live on stage at this landmark known as The Black Rep Theater in Berkeley, California!

When the theater doors opened, I noticed that there were not that many people in attendance to watch this one woman play concerning child abuse. That was too bad because this actress was very talented and my wife and I enjoyed her performance thoroughly. When the play began, Sean came backstage and apologized for the limited number of audience members in attendance. He then asked if I would rather perform after the play instead of at the intermission due to the limited number of audience members present because the woman performing wished to go all the way through with her performance without an intermission. There were only a few people in the audience at show time and I told Sean that performing whenever he wished was o.k. with me.

When the play was over, the announcer made my introduction, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a Spoken Word Performer with us tonight who wrote a special piece for tonight's subject concerning "abuse". Please welcome, Robin Brown to the stage!" I remember smiling to myself again as I was daydreaming and imagining the announcer saying, please welcome "the white guy to the stage!"

I was watching from the wings of the stage while the announcer was introducing me and noticed that the full theater staff were making their way into the theater to watch my performance. I knew they were interested in watching me perform due to the fact that the theater play was completed and they could now all attend. I was touched. As I made my way on stage in the spotlight with microphone in hand, I went and sat on the couch which was positioned in the center of the stage from the play before. I welcomed everyone to the Black Rep Theater and thanked the director of the theater, Sean for inviting me to perform on this special night. I informed the audience, made up of mostly of theater staff members that I wrote this piece two nights ago after Sean asked me to write something for the night's subject concerning child abuse so, this is what I wrote... it's called "Abandonment" and it goes like this...

Some people ask me...

Hey Mr. Prime Rhyme Time!

How do actually write your Internal Rhyme?

and I answer,

Well... I usually write around breakfast time

while having coffee

thinking of what to write

reading from my journal in hopes to incite a spark of light

to ignite,

excite

or delight a plight

or maybe...

shine a light,

reflect a fright

or write

about the appetite I have

for shining light

to unite my left brain with my right

and sometimes it's not quite right

so, I can sit there all day and night

till I get it right

but once it's done...

I'm feeling sprite

despite my fright

to not get it right!

I'll always find the word to reflect my thought

I'm self-taught

to not get caught!

Yes, I might get distraught

or overwrought

from the onslaught of dot dot dot

thoughts I forgot as an afterthought

yet I dread naught

for I trust the thought I sought

to not get caught

empty handed

without the word I sought.

Once my words are penned just right

I recite the words... I recite outright

to check the flow to know

if the rhythm's tight and the thought sounds right.

Over and over...

I recite the words I write

until rhythm and thought reflects the light

and from there...

it's the emotion of the word incurred

from reading the words preferred

it's a transfer of thought

to word

to thought incurred

for I write from the emotion and rhythm of words

transferred

from THIS rhyming mind

to those I find

possessing thought of likened mind.

Now, enough about me. Let us come to our point.

As you all know, no one is immune to abuse.

To some degree abuse seems to touch us all.

Some are more fortunate than others

yet those who have experienced past child abuse...

see the fortunate with different eyes it seems to me

for they view the fortunate ones

as ones they'll never be.

Well, I'm here tonight to tell you that being fortunate comes from within...

for those who can fight past the guilt,

the pain

and anguish within

are those that believe

that there is an honorable existence

past this abuse and where it's been.

I'm here to tell you, my friends...

the noose is loose

not to excuse misuse

but to accept it for what it has become

a rule of thumb...

to learn from!

We can neglect that self-respect we hide inside

and close our minds to frustrations had

we can allow it to reside all inside

for it's iron clad

locked within a silent pain

no where to turn

no one to blame...

except...oneself.

When you're here...

with no where to turn

and there's no concern

to call out or yearn

for help of a simple ear?

Go ask your guides and angels

to help face this fear

of sharing thoughts

from pain obtained here

for it's important to understand fear...

and just what's to gain here.

Lend an ear to those in need

but remember, my friend, those in need will not plead

for this simple need is hiding

much like seed

metaphorically awaiting water to cultivate need,

past the pain,

past the blame,

past the dreams,

past the shame.

So, how did we learn about this traumatic abuse?

Is it a path we were chosen to choose...

or was it something we could have just refused?

This question itself can surely confuse

those in need to hear this news.

Abuse is a behavior we learned as a child,

some were violent,

some were mild.

Our parents actually taught us our behavior

which just might be too hard for some...

to hard to see...

and then YOU interrupt me...

and say, "Hey Son! I never laid a hand on you!"

Yeah,

YOU didn't mind...

as I was who you left behind.

So, when does it end?...

the memories,

the pain,

as those dreams remain.

Well, it's no longer concealed

it's been revealed

time has come to heal this ordeal.

Take responsibility

for the legacy you write each day

from the things you do

and the words you say

for a legacy of pain and dismay

may well prey

upon those young minds

left betrayed.

To stand and walk out on a child

is the greatest abuse since self denial.

We're all guilty to some degree...

all of us... you... you... you.... and me!

We see it,

we hear about it

and then we doubt about it

and then we close our eyes

so we don't have to think about it.

Abuse itself will never leave us

and the only medicine that can cure human abuse

and not deceive us?

IS LOVE...

love to our children

to help us heal us.

This child is you...

so, if you walk out now

you will view...

a sub-conscious life of separation

within you too...

for now you live that same pain

you left your child with

to just make do...

oh... if you only knew!

Well,

now you do...

and may I now introduce you to...

the Karma of Life.

For your children

are just a reflection, a reflection of you!

So, now you ask me...

what can I do?

Well, find that parent or child

and heal that relation

for it's never too late to start anew and it doesn't matter who's to blame, too.

To heal a relation is the biggest gift

you can offer yourself

for you will flourish

with a spiritual wealth

of understanding the health

of your spiritual self

never known before...

this door is here left to explore

it shouldn't be ignored

open this door and feel the warmth of light

to help restore

the love of your family

forevermore.

You and I aren't that much different from that of a child...

we might be a bit more versatile in self denial,

our lifestyle

may seem a bit more consciously fragile

as we tend to pry...

into the search of man's ultimate question...

why?

and like the child...

we'll question the answer with just a "why"

as we'll pry again

to satisfy...

the simple need

the need to know "why"

over and over to clarify

why?

why?

why?

It's just conscious reflection offered to the soul,

it's the diamond in the coal...

for reflecting on why...

turns itself in...

to where an answer lies within again.

To answer the question one gives oneself

creates rhyme, reason and a wealth of health

to the inner self.

For just one day

question yourself of things you say

what was to you... the good, the bad...

what was to you... the glad, the sad

and write it all down in that old notepad you had

you know...

the one clad in plaid?

You'll be glad...

you did...

for it will rid the id of things you hid and did as a kid

deep down amid

thoughts you thought you could once forbid.

This is the path to know the self

and to know the self

creates the wealth

not from money

or material things

but wealth to the mind, the body, the spirit

and what that brings

to those who sing

praise in ways

never displayed

by ways portrayed...

a breakaway

from sub-conscious thoughts

left to stray...

found today...

by way

of conscious thought

conditioned now

to stay astray...

from thoughts who prey

on our simple ignorance...

of our souls

in

play.

When I completed my rhyme, I thanked the audience for coming and said good night. I then noticed everyone quickly making their way to the front of the stage. There were about fifteen or twenty people who began congratulating me for my words and performance. I was deeply touched and then one of the sound technicians of the theater spoke up and said over the theater sound system, "I am one of the sound techs up here in the sound booth above you now and I wanted you to know that you brought tears to my eyes when you performed your words. It touched me and I thank you." Wow... was all I could remember thinking at that moment and that's when the director, Sean informed me that I would always be welcomed to perform at The Black Rep Theater at any time I would choose. Those moments were the most tender of moments a performer of his or her written word could ever ask for. Tingles ran down my spine as I felt an internal honor for my spirit!
Robin J. Brown has been published in the book anthology titled, ‘‘The Real Meaning of Life’’ and in the book anthology, "Names in a Jar" A Collection of Poetry by 100 Contemporary American Poets. His musical association,
“Secrets of the Mind" is a collection of his Internal Rhyming poetry put to music at www.umarain.com under Robin's New Music. Please provide 15 to 30 seconds for each piece on UMA RAIN to be downloaded after selection. Using earphones will help you appreciate the timing of the lyrics and rhythms of the music as one. Enjoy!

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